James Ewing is a charcoal and pencil portrait artist from Dallas. He has been in recovery since January 2012 and lives in Long Beach, California with his wife, son and two dogs Dembe and Chandler.
Web: shadedhues.com
FROM JAMES
I began drawing charcoal and pencil portraits as a way to kill some time. I was about six months sober and bored out of my mind staying in a sober living questioning whether or not I made the right choice to clean. I suppose it’s between the three to six month period we all begin to question our recovery. Get a little time and maybe think you know all you need to know… thank God I figured out it was my addiction trying to pull me back to the familiar – a miserable lonely existence that no matter how bad it got was still somehow, comfortable. It was the all-too-familiar fear of change pulling me back. The difference here is I noticed the pattern of that same self-centered fear that kept me afraid to move forward or try something new. It was up to contrary action now.
So, as luck would have it, I visited a friend that had a painting on her wall I liked. I asked her about it. She said it was just a hobby she had found that brought her some joy. I still remember the light-bulb moment, right in that instant. I should try drawing. Mom always suggested drawing. I did the cartoon characters as a kid. I guess I was good at it, but hadn’t explored that creativity in decades. Something new. Fuck it let’s see what happens here. At worst I was going to occupy my mind with something other than fear and boredom.
I chose charcoal because Mom said she liked it. It was fun to get messy and the way you spread it around could really bring depth and dimension to your drawings. I also was a fan that it was just black and white! Start simple and see how it goes.
I had no idea the world that would open up drawing that first portrait. I also found a whole new appreciation for black and white art. I should have been doing this the whole time. Something amazing clicked, and I reconnected with the creative side of me I had buried under a mountain of drugs and an ocean of hooch. I really believe every time I draw something I’m connecting with another part of me that was either buried or I was running from all those years. Its a sort of zen-like experience reconnecting like that, and there’s a spiritual aspect as well that strengthens each time I create something new.
We’re fortunate as artists and musicians to be able to create things that other people can connect with as well. Each new portrait or song has the unique ability to draw out an emotional response as well. The same can be said for all art forms, be it a portrait, a song, even amazing food from a culinary artists can all draw emotion out of someone.
As a person in recovery, a deeper understanding of how important those moments of expression are to someones growth puts us in an amazing position to shed a little light on the journey we took on. I think this is especially important for the next person struggling through their first three to six months clean. Hopefully they can be as fortunate as I was – to see a little light in black and white.
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